Blah, Humbug

I don't want to douse anyone's holiday cheer with yellow snow, but I've got to say that I'm not feeling that old Christmas spirit this year. Have you noticed how many pathetic Christmas songs there are on the radio, blaring at you relentlessly as you make your way down the street or through shops. I typically favor my iPod over the radio, and I work from home mostly, so I can avoid having to hear whatever Clear Channel is pushing these days. But this week I'm in Alexandria, so I take breakfast at a Bruegger's on King Street (free WiFi, and a Washington Post dispenser out front; I did this morning's crossword in 30 minutes, thank you very much), and this week there's been an incessant stream of pop puffery masquerading as seasonal seasoning.

Each song laments the absence of a loved one, desperately hoping they'll return before the stroke of midnight and pleading with Santa or Jesus to help out in the cause. Or it hails the arrival of snow and marvels at pink cheeks, blazing fires, hot cocoa, rich presents, vapored breath, twinkling stars, and familial togetherness, pining for perpetual Yuletide. There are subtle differences, but make no mistake about it: they all have chimes.

I suppose one problem is that I feel I've heard enough about how baby Jesus was born to last a lifetime. Or perhaps seven lifetimes. I'm no longer smitten with camels; wise men; stars in the east; gold, frankincense and myrrh; stables or inns. I would be interested to know just how much of that really happened. Maybe a boy named Jesus was born, but the early Christians celebrated it variously in January, April and May. December 25 was convenient because it co-opted the pagan celebration of the winter solstice.

As it happens, a number of earlier traditions observed December 25 as a feast day for their deities, including Phrygian Attis (who, incidentally, was a shepherd born of a virgin), Greek Dionysus (who, incidentally, is the child of a god and a mortal and traveled to and returned from the underworld, and his followers ate and drank his "flesh" and "blood"), Egyptian Osiris (who, incidentally, was known as "Lord of Lords", "King of Kings" and "Good Shepherd" and was sacrificed and resurrected) and Persian Mithra (you get the idea).

Maybe I'll put up a Dionysian bacchanal scene in my front yard to balance the numerous nativities around? In fact, I think a bacchanalian holiday is something I could really get into. I could see OutKast, Prince, and Gnarls Barkley coming up with some cool songs for that holiday! And I think I would be more inclined to play them on my iPod than "Angels We Have Heard on High". And they'd surface on shuffle, right after the Vince Guaraldi soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas".